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Nov. 14th, 2016

What war means to me....

I wanted to post this not because I want attention or sympathy or pity. I am posting this because I feel its something other people should struggle should read about. It's something that I felt that I needed to get off my chest. Most importantly, it's something that I feel other people can relate to and if what I write can make a difference in one person's life than I know that it was worth it. I made sure when I wrote this not to include anything compromising so that other could read it and understand without hurting my own self judgement. Please take the time to read it. You never know how much of a difference it could make to you.
What war means to me...Collapse )
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Mar. 12th, 2009

Am I sorry....

I am sorry but in a way I am not. I have takena few friends I don't talk to and set my profile on private if you still choose to be friends please message me so I can re-add you. I have been having issues and I couldn't afford  to stay public and I couldn't keep up wiht entries so I stopped commenting which I mostly apologize for. I can't keep up with entries so I am restarting and starting over. I just can't promise to comment every entry but I do read them all. I am sorry but this is the only way to fix things. I do hope I don't offend anyone otherwise its just something I needed to do..... I will miss you all until we talk again.....

Sincerly most, Paula and her friend Penguey

Mar. 1st, 2009

CDO and waiting for you...

So I have cdo duty this weekend on the base. Nothing much special honestly just sitting here at work listening to IT1 and Chief telling stories and whatnot. Don't want to go home just yet because its 26 degrees outside and it is way to cold to walk out there. I might freeze to death jsut walking home across the street. This weekend has been such a drag though and I have alot of work to on monday. I get to see matt this weekend I am putting down money to tag along with heather, prudhomme, hansford, and I think gales to to go to va and matt says he is willing to come pick me up in newport news so I can spend the weekend with him and at the end of the month I am going to st basils with him to talk to the priest and i will be able to show him the waterfalls out there on the property. I do hope he likes it but I think he will. Also I found out his whole family except for his grandpa and other set of grandparents (and craig with his family...sad :( ...) Will all be coming to the wedding which kind of shocked us but I am happy they will be coming after all. I am so excited but nervous about the whole thing. On wednesday I go for the second fitting to my dress and I can pick up the veil that day though so I will have everything but the necklace if nouna lets me borrow it, and the ring. Apparently matt had talked to his mom yesterday asking about it. I guess he is nervous about what to get cause he was calling her about it. I want him to pick out a ring for me soon so I can engrave it for him. I am going to put "My medic, my penguin, my love forever" on the inside of the ring for him. Nothing much going on other than that. I just wanted to be updated on this for you when you came back online. I do hope your eyes are doing better. Hope to hear from you soon, I miss you. 

Feb. 25th, 2009

I'm with you

"I don't know how you do what you do..."

"I'm so in love with you, it justs keeps getting better." -Lonestar "Amazed"   The same quote I think applies to myself and Matthew, I don't know lately I was so miserable and on an emotional highrise. I just felt so bad it was crazy. I don't know and then he did something to bring up my hopes. In Norfolk my favorite place to go was Iowa Point which is a beautiful place right on the water where you can sit on the rocks and just watch the water all day and any ships that come in and out of port. Well of course I was sad and miserable the other day. I found out Matt won't get leave but sat-tues and have to be back wednesday and after we are married I will only be allowed to spend less than 24hrs with him. I was so sad and of course Teri you were in the hospital due to eye surgery. Please take care and I hope to see you on here soon. So when I was crying on the phone he felt so bad he left c9 and drove to Iowa point and sat there on the phone with me. He made me feel so better and gave me a new look on things. I was just so happy that he would try so hard to make me happy. It has made me feel so much better that I could look at a better view of life. I mean sure I am still sad everyday about missing him and being away from va but I am attempting to look at with hope as much as I can. Friday I go pick up the wedding dress and I am so excited and nervous at the same time. I posted new myspace pics and tried writing again because I am trying to get motivation. Its hard everyday I won't deny that and I know other people have it worse but its still hard, I will keep trying though to keep up. I will try... for him.

As always, Paula and Penguey

Feb. 11th, 2009

Alright and update for you....

Went to medical today... I have been having headaches non stop on and off for the past week. I have 2 baby rashes in two different places. Medical gave me a few more appointments. They think it might be stress related but they are not sure just yet so we will have to wait and see. Tomorrow I am so excited I get to see my baby. He is so excited about seeing me. He asked to leave class early to meet me about the airport and he says he is planning on surprising me. He says he is going to kidnap me from the airport and then rescue me from the house and I asked him how that makes sense... it doesn't. I don't care though all I want is to see him tomorrow in general. I also have an optometry appointment because I want to wear contacts just for the wedding day. Other than that I'm not doing to much. Even though I don't feel it I've been stressing way too much so I am hoping this weekend will clear things up. I've felt so down lately. I hope everyone is doing well and I will write again soon. Take care dears.

Penguey and me

Feb. 7th, 2009

An update for the world to see...

So I have not been on way to much at all and I do apologize for that. It has been very hectic and I lost my best internet source for a while so I scrounge about for internet at the moment. I am trying to catchup on everyones journals so I will be reading but I may not be able to comment for the time being. Work has been very busy and I end up staying late just about every day now because of that. I will finally be able to take a break next thursday when I fly down to Virginia to spend my 4 day weekend with Matt for valentines day. he is so happy he says he is going to grab me and swirl me around like in movies and he doesn't care whose watching or even if we fall over. he is just that happy. As for my wedding i have set an offical time it will be more than likely the 21st of April and I want a certain someone...teri... to go if you can skip school for a couple of days. May go dress shopping tomorrow with Heather because my mom wanted me to go try dresses out. I will be sure to post pictures for you to see of my favorite ones. Life on the other hand has its ups and downs. I hate rhode island and all the weather but i don't mind saving the money and the simplicity. Also I miss Matt way to much otherwise. I wish I could talk more but I do have to get off the computer for now. I do hope everyone and I promise to catch up soon. Take care everyone.

Loving as always, Paula and my beloved Penguey

Jan. 15th, 2009

Career Development Board and others...

Had my career development board yesterday and as of right now it is not looking so well. It sucks when people are trying so hard to reassure you that everything will turn out alright when everything leading up to that moment has gone so horribly wrong. These people are so nice here and have such good hearts but my failed hope is not with them, its with the navy and myself. I found out in order to do the job I want I have to study, a feat I have never really done, for the asvab and next month take the test- wait 4 to 6 weeks, and then hope that I got a score high enough to take that job, if I do worse I have to either retake the test 30 days later or try and go for another job. Most of the other jobs I am eligible for right now either put me in the boiler room, in aviation, or in a job that is going away. It sucks and kills me. I have only  a year and a half left in the navy and after I either re-enlist or I get out and try to find another job. I don't want to get out but I can't go on with all this stupidity especially being so far from Matt. If I can't be with Matt I don't know what I would do. I can't be without him, I really can't. So I will study for this asvab and try my best to pass. I don't know what other option to take right now... I really don't.

In other news I went to my first funerals. Our command does color guard for whenever military members die and almost everyday we have to do them so 2 days ago I went. The first one was short and simple the second a little longer. The one thing that makes them horrible is that you always do them outside and its so cold out there it kills me to death. I hate them to death but I have no choice but to do them when they tell me to. It comes with the job I guess since no one else can do it but PSD and a few others.

Other than not much else is new. Was invited to a party on friday so I will go to that and hope to have fun. I also put in a leave chit to go visit Matt in VA over the Valentines Day weekend. I hope the chit gets approved and that way I cna buy plane tickets to see him. I would so cry if I couldn't visit him, I really would I miss him too much everyday not to be able to go see him at least once a month. If I get to go I will be in VA from the 13th-16th. I am so excited, All I care about is being able to see him. I miss him.

Jan. 8th, 2009

Getting by...

Its weird this place is so dead depressing. All the people seem so miserable here and it seems not many people get far here. The one guy who has been working here a long time has only said its been getting worse and I believe him to. The base itself seems gone, not much here and no beauty can even be found in the winter because its too cold and the wind feels like it burns my face, I hate it. I want to work here I really do I just want to do that...work, I don't want to deal with the customers or anything like that. I am use to keeping to myself and just working on papers rather than people. Its not because I am mean its just how I am in life. I never really wanted this job and I hate that I choose it sometimes. I don't hate it because I went to Virginia and met Matt. I just hate here which is I guess normal. I am sorry but readers will be hearing alot about this for a while because its all I can think about in life, not much else to do here until springtime. So I am hoping it gets better. On the other hand I have started to meet people on the base. I met two people who live in the barracks already. The one guy who live right under my room is Nathaniel Gales and below him is Anthony (Tony) Kelke. They have both been friends for a long time and went through schools together. I watched some of the movie Death Race and played Xbox 360 with them. They seemed really cool and then I ended up with an issue. As I was on the phone with my mom right before I called Matt I had a large note slipped under my door. It was from Tony, and basically it was a letter from him telling him that he thought I was beautiful and that he would like to see me again. I read the note to Mom and Matt. Mom told me to be careful and Matt thought it was funny but could see why. I told him it doesn't matter though because I love him more than life and that wa just fine with me. So next time I see this guy I will have to draw the line and set things straight for him. Not much else different. The day really drags on though which sucks. Hopefully it goes by quicker. Hope everyone else is doing well. Take care.

Jan. 7th, 2009

2008-2009 the ending of the year

Alright so the entries I have promised are finally here. A list of everything that happened before coming here. On Dec 17 I checked out of my command and after some hassal I was over and done with. Pretty much after I was laid back and relaxed (even though I still ran around like crazy) until the 23rd when Matt and I went and drove down to my parents house for christmas eve and morning before coming back to VA. On the 27th Matt checked out of his command and the next morning we got on a plan and flew out to Oregon where his mom and stepdad met us at the airport. So pretty much I spent the week meeting his family who are are really nice and sweet. Not much to do in Oregon but then again is was freezing cold most times and snowing and worst of it all I was sick the whole time and I still am slightly. Its crazy but I will ask medical once I get in over there and have them take a look. I was supposed to leave Oregon on the 5th and get there the 6th but my flight was cancelled so I got here to Newport a day late but luckily everything was okay. My chrsitmases were all very nice and very simple. I didn't get too much but I didn't mind at all. I got to spend the holidays with everyone so I was happy about that in the end. The gifts were pretty much small penguin trinkets and things like that. Matts give to me was a gold bracelet from Zales with Opals in them. It was a really sweet gift of him. I got him a full metal diecast of his angel (2002/2003 Subaru WRX STI). New Year I didn't really do much just sit with Matt and watched movies. Other than that 2008 came to a close and out came 2009.

Dec. 21st, 2008

As the holidays come to a start

Only a few days left until the holidays arrive. Though it does not feel like it for most of us here on the base it still is a holiday. Some of the ships have put up christmas lights and some of the shore commands have decorated a bit. I have been spending it packing and moving. I am sorry for keeping away for so long but at this point I don't have much of choice especially with hardly any internet or phone service in the barracks as well. I have sent out my gift for a special someone who I hope loves their gift very much. I didn't know what to get to get but when I thought about it from the heart I knew exactly when to get so I do hope you like it very much. I am nervous and excited though. Matt is coming home with me for christmas. He has already met my parents so it will be nice to spend holidays with them but I am really nervous about going to Oregon for the holiday. I know I shouldn't but some people know how I can be with my worrysome mind. I don't know what to do and then after I go straight to Oregon to report for my new command. Its been very crazy week and it will only get more crazy until saturday but I did promise a certain someone a call and trust me you will get it though I know it may be a bit late. I have decided to remake my icons by the way. I am going for a new type of design though my background will typically remain the same. However I do have to go run more errands....again but I do hope to be on again soon. If not then I do wish everyone the greatest of holidays and I hope to see you all on here again next year. Take care.

as always as ever, Paula and Penguey

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